Jimmy Kimmel covered some topics during his monologue on Thursday’s episode of “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” including some new jokes at the expense of former President Donald Trump. In particular, Kimmel made fun of Trump’s alleged smallness of his genitals.
But Kimmel also took a dig at himself and the controversy this week about the Emmys gag he had on Monday that People said is “Abbott Elementary” creator Quinta Brunson’s historic Emmy win.
By now you may not know what the previous graph is talking about, but for the 1.0% of you who haven’t paid attention to things in Hollywood this week, go here and get caught.
Okay so first, Kimmel spoke about the period of national mourning in the United Kingdom following the death of Queen Elizabeth. Kimmel sang a particularly awkward moment when a guard was assigned to stand Elizabeth’s coffin fainted,
“By the way, I tried that bit at the Emmys, it doesn’t work,” Kimmel joked after showing the footage. Then get into the Trump stuff.
“His magistrate, Donald Jacqueline Trump, now finds himself at the center of several ongoing investigations. There are five different investigations into Trump’s underbelly right now, and they are the only ones we know of right now,” he said.
“The Justice Department, the FBI, the Fulton County District Attorney, the Manhattan District Attorney, and the New York State Attorney General are all closing in on Trump. Even his lawyers have had to hire lawyers at the moment.
Some MAGA loyalists are concerned that Trump’s legal problems could hurt Republicans in the mid-term — not to mention his own prospects in 2024,” Kimmel continued.
“And it probably doesn’t help. There’s another tell-all book on the way, it’s The New Yorker and CNN reporters. It’s called ‘The Divider: Trump in the White House.’ Some funny stuff in it,” Kimmel said.
“A report says that Melania was very upset with her husband because of the way he was dealing with the pandemic. He told her ‘You are blowing it.’ And Trump was like, ‘Well, you didn’t quite do it with the Christmas decorations, right,'” Kimmel explained.
“She also said, ‘It’s going to be really bad, and you need to take it more seriously than you do.’ Coincidentally, all of Melania’s friends told her about marrying him,” Kimmel joked.
“We also learn from this book that — I don’t know if you remember that — remember when Trump looked at buying Greenland? Well, he was serious about it,” Kimmel said of Trump’s gender. Said joking about himself.
“Their allies kept bringing up more realistic options like increasing military presence in the region to keep Russia under control, and Trump said, ‘What part of ‘I want to buy Greenland’? Don’t you understand?’ Um – I don’t know. That’s all, I guess?” Kimmel is gone.
“And, of course, because he can’t control his narcissism even for a minute, Trump did an interview for this book. He also proposed to trade Puerto Rico to Denmark for Greenland. —will do the baddie as if it was fantasy football or something,” Kimmel said.
“You know, there’s a lot of attention given to how dangerous and impulsive and vain Trump is — but we sometimes forget, too, too stupid. Not too bright either. looked at Greenland on a map and said, ‘Look at the size of it. It’s massive,’ which gets in the joke we told:
“It’s always been about size with this guy. Honestly, the course of American history—it could have been completely different if he had only been born with an adult-sized penis.”
Watch the full monologue above.