As the members of the Proud Boys are on trial, prosecutors brought a booklet into evidence covering a variety of topics, from mandatory toasts to guns and housewives.
However, the segment on When Members Can Masturbate gave Colbert all the ammunition to land his shots during his Tuesday night monologue.
“Yesterday, prosecutors accessed a Proud Boys handbook, and it turns out The Proud Boys have really strict rules about masturbation,” Colbert said. “So, less of a handbook and more of no handbook,” Colbert joked.
Colbert took a break to laugh at the joke with his audience while he opened and closed his hand to draw them into the next punchline.
“Specifically, the rule states that a Proud Boy cannot ejaculate alone once every 30 days,” Colbert said. “So, once a month. They’re basically werewolves. And when the moon is growing, they can’t do it anywhere. The actual rule says, if a Proud Boy needs to ejaculate it’s the woman’s.” Must be within one yard.
Colbert said, “So gals, if you see a Proud Boy with a tape measure, get out of there!”
In addition to when members can masturbate, the Proud Boys handbook also has guidelines for how members can give a toast, giving Colbert yet another opportunity to take a dig at the neo-fascist group.
“The document also outlines protocol for where members should raise a glass and offer a toast,” Colbert said. “Entrepreneurs, gunslingers, and housewives like it.”
Holding a glass of wine in his hand, Colbert shouted, “Yeah, to the housewives!” as she named various stars from “The Real Housewives” franchise.
To watch Colbert’s full monologue, click on the video at the top.