Queen Elizabeth was (finally) laid to rest on Monday, bringing an end to 11 days of completely understandable British mourning and an absolutely inconsolable American mourning for the monarch. And on Monday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” Kimmel drew inspiration from having a million memes since Elizabeth’s death to imagine the musical send-off she should have received.
And to cut right to the chase, remember how the Queen’s “one and one biting dust” was basically everywhere after Elizabeth’s death? Now you know where this is going. But as part of this lie, Kimmel saw something that Donald Trump said appears to reveal that he, in fact, knows he lost in 2020.
Anyway, on to Kimmel’s monologue.
“I don’t know if you guys heard, the Queen is dead,” Kimmel said, kicking things off. “She was… I think she was water skiing. And she put a stamp on, and went straight into the air. And that was it.”
“And so today, the world bids Elizabeth a farewell. Before showing some footage of the car carrying Elizabeth’s coffin, Kimmel continued, about which she jokingly said, “Kimmel took a glimpse of the coffin.” Lined the streets of London to get, “You can fill it up with kids and fish.”
“The line to see the Queen’s coffin stretches for miles, as it does here in America, when Popeyes comes out with a new chicken sandwich,” joked Kimmel.
“And that was quite a departure,” the monologue went on. “It was a big day for the Royal Bagpiper who doesn’t get much work. They surprised everyone with the number one song of the week on October 4, 1980.”
Kimmel then played footage of the bagpiper from Elizabeth’s funeral, but with music replaced by a bagpipe version of the Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust”.
“Well, the queen was in love with the queen you can imagine. She specifically said, play it at her funeral when I bite the dust,” Kimmel explained.
This allowed him to turn in some jokes about American politics. “Two thousand dignitaries from all over the world were invited to the state funeral. In which there are many dignitaries. I didn’t even know there was so much dignity left in the world, but among the leaders who were respected were President Joe and Dr. Jill Biden.
“As you can see, his seats were almost as good,” Kimmel said after showing his seats, “as this random teen who stopped on his way to a game stop or something. How did that happen?”
“Our former president, Donald Trump, wanted to say something about the Bidens’ seats,” Kimmel said. “He wrote, ‘This is what’s happened to America in just two short years. No respect! However, it’s a good time for our president to get to know the leaders of some of the third world countries. If I were president, they would take me there. Don’t sit down – and our country would have been very different than it is now!’
“Hey, I’m glad he’s finally admitting he’s not president.” Kimmel joked.
Now watch the entire monologue at the top of the screen.