There is resounding, irrefutable evidence that alcohol is a depressant, but for the few hours of disassociation and repeating the same story dozens of times, all in the name of “pleasure,” billions of people will still willingly trade in tomorrow’s clean bill of health, and avoiding the painful process of retracing last night’s steps for a night on the moonlight. We know full well that it’s bad for us, but whatever little self-discipline we might have just isn’t enough to resist our temptation to down a few tequila shots. Like alcohol, we also live in the knowledge that binge-watching reality TV has very few benefits. It’s fast food television, it tickles our taste buds before it invariably leads to self-loathing and the toxicity of comparison, which, as Roosevelt once wisely said, is the thief of joy.
But like alcohol, reality TV is a supposedly guilty pleasure. It is trash TV designed for entertainment and in some cases shock factor. Essentially, no reality TV show is “good art,” and trying to separate the terrible from the not-so-horrible is akin to picking the best of a bad bunch. The best reality shows are the ones we love to hate, so here are some of the most entertaining UK reality TV shows…
7 embarrassing bodies
the focus of embarrassing bodies is too ashamed of people to go to the doctor for (largely) superficial ailments; instead, they choose to expose themselves to doctors on national television for the world to see. From skin tags and warts to STDs, rashes and rectal exams, patients deal with all issues. While it’s important to treat these things with sensitivity, the show reminds you that you could always be worse off, and by that I mean having a micro penis…
6 The only way is Essex
The only way is Essex (or TOWIEas it is often abbreviated), is actually Made in Chelsea for the nouveau riche. The show is about the love lives, business endeavors and spray tans of the twenty-somethings in the county of Essex, just northeast of London. It’s a program that has a shocking flavor in just about everything; think, hot pink hummers, botched plastic surgery and Oompa-Loompa fake tan.
If Adam and Eve were replaced by Barbie and Ken, TOWIE might be what the world would look like. The show’s impact on society has even led to a new word being added to the ‘Vajazzle’ dictionary…if you google it, it’s probably best that you know how to delete your search history first.
5 Geordie Shore
MTVs Geordie Shore is a take on America’s equally messy reality TV show Jersey Shore. The English version is just grayer, weirder and a little more hectic; it is also the only English reality show that requires subtitles so other English speakers can understand it. Located in Newcastle, in the North East of England, Geordie Shore documents the lives of eight post-teen Geordies who share a house as they party, fall in love and fight. From ‘Wye Aye’, ‘Radgy’ and ‘Gadgee’ to ‘Proper Mint’ and ‘Neckin on’, the Geordie dialect is a language in its own right, and it’s perhaps a little more understandable that translation is often required.
4 Made in Chelsea
In essence, Made in Chelsea is ‘Keeping up with the Royals’, as there have been really more or less tenuous ties to cast members and the British Royal Family over the course of its 11-year run. Set in the affluent borough of Kensington and Chelsea in southwest London, the show features a group of twenty-somethings roaming around in their convertible sports cars, taking weekend trips to “Mummy and Daddy’s” mansions and sunbathing on the beaches of St. Tropez, and parties in chalets on the French Alps.
It’s a failed social experiment… the kids of the social elite go wild on their own TV show. Love, drama and an unfathomable amount of bitchiness have been unfolding before our eyes over the past ten years, it’s like Gossip Girl was semi-real and the Upper East-Siders moved to the Victorian mansions of London’s Royal Quarter with bumblingly chic English accents. Watching this show is like getting a very depressing yet fascinating look at capitalism.
3 the intern
MGM
Another show in a format sold all over the world. Led by Lord Alan Sugar and his two henchmen Claude and Karen, he offers an aspiring entrepreneur a £250,000 investment and the chance to become his business partner. On the eye, the intern offers talented business minds the opportunity to acquire a life-changing sum of money to launch a potentially fruitful career in business.
However, it has increasingly been the case that the participants involved have little business acumen and are instead grossly incompetent in their chosen field. Hard as it is, it’s extremely entertaining to watch the often arrogant, self-conscious individuals writhe and capitulate at the hands of some of Britain’s best business minds. The show is a reminder to ourselves that our inner glee is still very much alive.
2 Dragon’s Nest
Coming from Japan, Dragon’s Nestor shark cage as it is known in the United States, is a business reality show where entrepreneurs and inventors pitch their companies, products and ideas to a group of wealthy investors (Dragons) hoping to make investments for part of their business. The UK Dragon’s Nest has discovered some true entrepreneurial geniuses over the years, including Rastafari Levi Roots, creator of Reggae Reggae Sauce. While there are plenty of success stories, the dragons have fished out some infamous grill dishes for those who dare to enter their lair unprepared and without the right information.
1 Love Island
Love Island has enjoyed worldwide success, in part due to the format being sold to 13 countries, including America and Australia. The show mainly presents beautiful singletons in a luxury vacation villa where they make it their mission to find love; once “paired” the partners are frequently tested through new, few additions.
After eight weeks, the pairs gradually shrink, with the winners claiming £50,000 and a slew of fast fashion and charcoal teeth whitening endorsements. The show, which first aired in 2015, has just concluded its eighth season. While it’s mostly full of half-hearted ones, there’s a real public appeal to the show, and the suspense, spills, and love triangles have firmly seduced the tormented aunt in all of us.